Hello everyone!
It's been ridiculously quiet on my little corner of the Internet, with uni work piling on and a mental blogging block being VERY real.
How are we all? Looking back on 2014? It's the new year in two days, how crazy is that?!
I've been on holiday for the past week, reflecting on the past year and what it's been for me. Honestly? I'm calling 2014 The Lost Year - the year I mainly lived half in my thoughts, unaware of being truly conscious and present in what was going on around me.
Unmotivated is probably the best way to describe it. Doing things half-heartedly is how I spent most of my past year and I'm determined not to have 2015 be the same.
The last time I was really motivated was 2013/5th year at school and I want that motivation back. Looking back on previous 'to do' lists, I can see a decline in my motivation for everyday life. Social media has had an override on my life, switching regularly from Twitter to Instagram to Blogger unconsciously as a way to avoid what I'm unhappy about. Don't get me wrong, I love social media! But I need to step back from what I'm doing regularly to be able to create good content for my blog and for you guys.
Saying all of this is one thing, but actually going out and making a change is hard. It's breaking more and more habits that have been with me for nearly the past year. It's the comfort and familiarity and if I'm honest, even writing this is hard. It's facing what I've avoided continuously, trying to hide in things that make me happy. But this blog and my mental state are suffering. So 2015 is going to be the year I make a new chapter in this personal journey and I know you guys have been reading very personal posts (or lack of posts) and from that I am sorry. This space of the Internet is something I'm very passionate about and love dearly, so I'm hoping to move forward and take this blog - and myself - out of the fog I've been living in. I understand it will be hard and the change won't be immediate but I've heard you're more likely to stick to something if it's in writing, so here's a few resolutions -
1. Cut out chocolate.
I've found I get headaches from chocolate so there's no point in continually eating it (though I have). Plus it's actually a depressant and that's the last thing anyone needs, so 2015? We'll be saying ta-ta to chocolate.
2.Keeping up with exercise.
It wouldn't be a resolution post without something about exercise/living healthier would it? This resolution is so frequent with us humans it's almost becoming clichéd - amusing that. But I've found that when I talk about exercise, the less motivated I get - particularly with other girls. Maybe it's the previous idea of competition, of girls going against each other to impress or 'top' one another. Anyone else like this? It's ridiculous and I find it funny how I used to try and be better than my friends when really, we should've been making it fun and supporting one and other. Which leads me onto my next resolution...
3. Action and Honesty.
A lot of plans I make never seem to become a reality. For example, you talk to your friends of plans, you get excited and fantasize of what you could do yet... it never happens. Why? This lack of experiences has made me feel like I've been held back. I want more experiences, I want to see different places and meet new people - work with new people! I want to create something I can be proud of and not do what I 'have' to do.
Which leads me to honesty. Being able to say 'I don't like that' or 'stop it, that's irritating' or 'I don't want to be your friend' is hard but really liberating. I've cut out a few people I've had in my life only due to school as well as having the distance of living on the other side of Scotland to give me some perspective. Being nice is what the world needs, but being nice to people who really get you down? So not worth the emotional drain, fake niceties are not doing anyone a favour in the long run and again, I feel like I'm cutting myself short by doing this.
I want to be around people who will support and listen to me. I've been shut down most of my school life by people listening to me with no belief in their eyes or being told to shut up if I'm being 'irritating'. That's horrible, any confidence you possess gets broken down at each rejection to share your ideas. However, the creation of supportive group has started. I've found people who support and listen to my ideas, who I share mutual respect with and whom i want to see thrive and become something as they do me.
What's your resolutions for 2015? Making any changes or keeping up the work you've put in place for 2014?
Whatever it may be, I wish you a vibrant and happy 2015 and I hope to experience this next year with you.
With love,
x
Labels: life, predicaments
