Predicaments of a Fashion Lover: Being A Bitch

I’ve missed out on being myself for my whole life. Like many people, I’m sure you reading this are one of them, I tried to box myself in and fit in with everyone around me. I didn’t want to be different, I didn’t want to cause a fuss. I wanted to live quietly on the sides and in the corners, because if I was myself I would be different. I’d argue more, point out people’s hypocritical sides and generally rock the boat. It’s only since turning 19 I’ve learned to be more vocal since I think I’ve finally out run my demons. In this, I’ve found that being more unapologetic about your emotions is far better than sugar coating things for others. It’s also however sparked up a bit of a debate as to how much you can be a ‘bitch’ and, as I’ve been told pleasantly, ‘get away with it’. (As if being upfront about your wants and needs somehow equates to something you want to run from, like a murderer or a thief. Sure Jan. If you say so.)

We’ve become the generation of overshare simultaneously coupled with an issue with vulnerability. We want people to take notice and understand our struggles, we write pretty poetry and reblog quotes on Tumblr but can’t spit out the messy thoughts running circles round our head. We can look at pictures of war, watch bombs go off yet we are unable to sit up and say ‘this isn’t what I want/you aren’t what I want/this is what I want and I’m going to get it’. We can happily listen to musicians spill their inner thoughts, read the words writer scribble onto a page and latch onto a notion when everyone else seems to be doing the same. But we can’t get honest. We can’t get our heads around someone doing something for themselves and supporting them; no instead we grow selfish, jealous and produce harsh words in a desperate attempt to strike down anyone as long as we don’t have to address the unhappiness that’s inside us. We can retweet tweets to try to gain attention yet can’t pick up a damn phone to say how we’re feeling really. What’s with that? What’s made us so underhand, so terrified of real emotion? What has rendered us so mute over emotions for so long, so much so that any sign of emotion is tossed aside with a laugh and a choked out cheer of “who needs emotions anyway?” or the favourite “vodka is better than love”? It’s like we’ve stuck with the childish behaviours of primary school, when confessing to liking someone made everyone giggle and tease until you became a blushing mess. Scratch that actually, because at least we had the guts at 6 to be open and honest even if it made us the butt of a joke for the day.

Maybe it’s because I’ve learnt just how little shit I’m willing to put up with when it comes to myself that I come off harsher. It’s different, because so many people seem to be unable to take honesty. I can be blunt, my tongue is quick and I’ve spent my teenage years thinking I needed to bitch about girls instead of dealing with my own mess, my own unhappiness. My Saturday nights are spent laughing, dancing around a bar or being with friends I’m comfortable with, rather than talking crap over a movie or a bottle of wine. It terrifies me that so many other girls don’t know they don’t need to bitch about other girls. They don’t need to say things to make them appeal to boys and they certainly don’t need to thrive off spiteful comments about girls they don’t like. Lunch times don’t have to be about bitching over a fellow schoolmate.

It’s okay to say you don’t like someone. You don’t have to hang out with her. Stop being scared of inconveniencing everyone by being honest – others will feel the same. Some people don’t click and that’s fine. Others don’t get what you’re on about and that’s fine as well, you don’t have to teach them if you don’t want to. And sometimes, people can be stuck in their ways and spiteful you just can’t do anything but walk away. Know that this is okay.

There’s a difference between being a bitch and being a boss. It isn’t bitchy to say you aren’t putting up, hanging out or taking someone’s shit. It doesn’t make you a bad person. Being cut throat mean isn’t the same as being honest. Honest can be soft. It can be frightened eyes and quivering words, it can be the silent thoughts sent with just a look. It can be the puffs of air between kisses and tight hugs, blushes and stutters, soft touches and bitten lips. It doesn’t have to be dark or harsh, striking words aimed to maim. It doesn’t have to be feared, nor thought as unpleasant.

I guess what I’m trying to say is there’s being a Bitch and being a bitch. See, there are two types of bitches. There’s the Bitch who is stuck in her high school ways and still wears the lipgloss you all had at 14. She’s mean, a real Regina George type who never matures past the age of 16. She used to make you cry in bathrooms and laughed at your hair, or your clothing choice on non-uniform day. She had a crew of followers who all wore the clothing she wore, the same shoes and bright orange tan. Then here’s the other bitch; the new bitch. She doesn’t wait about. She gets her shit done and does it to her best ability. She’s powerful; she doesn’t let herself be treated badly by boys and frequently goes for coffee with her girls. She rarely goes to clubs, but when she does she isn’t looking for someone because she’s content with being alone. She’s honest and seems intimidating, but she can go soft when she cares for you. There’s nothing superficial like with our Regina G Bitch, just a drive to get to what she wants.

And some people are confusing our new bitch, the title we reclaimed from those High School Bitches and made it into a powerful word, a word of strength, with our new bitch. They see a woman with drive and are terrified. Because they knew how to handle the High School Bitch, she was easy to avoid and the boys seemed to dot over her. But this new bitch, she doesn’t need approval or adoration. She just needs you to get out of her way and finish your paperwork, because you’re making her late.