Predicaments of a Fashion Lover: 19 THINGS I'VE LEARNT IN 19 YEARS

Today I am 20. That’s two decades of life, or 240 months or 7300 days that I have been living, breathing and growing on this planet. Now being 20 I’m looking back and asking myself, “well what the fuck have you achieved?”

I’ve done the obvious as most babies do, learning to walk and talk. I’ve gone to school, both primary and secondary, as fortunate and lucky I am to have been born in a first world country. But what has stuck with me? What have these 20 years of life amounted too?

It’s one of the most important things I have learnt, not only at 19, but in all of my life is to stick with what you love. So much so I have the words tattooed onto my arm, in the crook of my elbow. Maybe one day I’ll tell the story of when I received this piece of advice, maybe not. But what I will tell you is sticking with what you love is important for our wellbeing, as terrifying as it can be to have only ONE thing in this mad world of choice (thanks Social Media). It doesn’t have to turn into a job, but it’s something you stick with consistently and constantly work at.

Relationships are about commitment and support, as well as love, in equal measures on both sides. Being with someone who makes you feel uneasy, who you worry over and who makes you question things often isn’t what a relationship is about. Transparency is key; communicate clearly and calmly. You shouldn’t be with someone who makes you feel like hard work, or hard to love.

Fashion is a funny thing. Trends can get confused with personal style, so even if Vogue is telling you FLORALS FOR SPRING, wear your black and white if it makes you feel confident. And you don’t have to wait until you have that office job to wear linen shirts and smart shoes, you can rock them at 16. In fact, rocking them at 16 is super cool, so don’t listen to the mean kids at school.

A first love blows your mind; when it’s reciprocated it’s indescribable. Remembering mine, the fact the cynic in me didn’t win out is what really boggles my mind. Dating apps and sites can be fun, but there’s something about having the very first person you love love you back, it makes life sweeter. Obviously they end as most things do, but there’s so much you learn from loving for the first time, like the important of communication and how deep commitment needs to run.

Mixing drinks just shouldn’t be done, period. And tequila shots are the devil. I feel queasy writing this, NEXT.

You’ll find more comfort being with people who make you feel comfortable, than a soft bed in a certain house. I have two homes and it’s weird to consider two places on separate sides of the country one idea of home. Making home a place you keep inside yourself rather than a street name and number is the way I’ve tried to figure it out. It’s a feeling more than anything. My friend Anna Myers wrote this piece of homesickness, which sums it up better than I have so take a look http://www.shedidwhatshewanted.com/when-you-dont-feel-at-home-but-moms-isnt-home-either/

If there’s one thing I wish I could rewind and do over, it’s my teenage self at 16 and her attitude to food. It’s frighteningly common with girls, wishing to look like some advertised girl in our pages of beloved magazines. You forget they’re looking that way because of hours of makeup and hair, exercise and a clean diet, because that’s their JOB. You forget they’re trying to sell you something, because that’s their JOB. And you start to hate yourself a little bit and envy the girls in the magazines a lot, but it’s their JOB just like I a have a job and so do you. It’s something they love, which pays the bill but you don’ have an obligation to Planet Earth to look like that. Look like YOU; look like you WANT to look rather than what you think you HAVE to look like. Emma Gannon wrote this piece I feel sums it up nicely http://girllostinthecity.com/2016/02/writing-for-that-teenage-girl/.

Because it’s normal and okay to find out your mental health might not be in the best place. It doesn’t make you a failure or less of a person, but it does mean you can try figure yourself out a little more and find what helps. I wrote this http://predicaments-of-a-fashion-lover.blogspot.co.uk/2016/01/how-to-become-confident-powerful-and.html on what helps me.

It can feel all too easy like you’ll run out of time to get everything you want done before your body clock hits a point of ‘no longer young’ or as I like to think of it, ‘The Age of Getting Your Shit together’. Happily I can say there’s no point you have to have every little thing ‘done’ so deep breaths, you’re totally okay. It might not be sorted today, whatever it is you’re worrying about, but it will come together one day. My friend Katie Oldham wrote this fucking fantastic piece on growing old http://www.scarphelia.com/2016/03/more-than-just-fertility-talking-ageism.html, I recommend you read this girls.

10.Travel is the best education

The winter before I turned 19 I packed a quick bag and ran off to London, because life wasn’t going the way I planned. I felt stuck, desperate to get out a rut so I ran away. I complied a list of things I learnt once I had came back, which is a pretty nice read, if I do say so myself - http://predicaments-of-a-fashion-lover.blogspot.co.uk/2015/01/8-things-i-realised-in-london.html. I’m going to Amsterdam next month *screams with excitement* so I can’t wait to come back with lots of fresh ideas and life moments. My darling best friend Kris is currently in Australia right now; hearing her talk about the things she’s done and seeing the change in her is incredible, it makes my wanderlust grow. Sometimes you forget how little things can be satisfying.

11. YOU’RE WORTH THE NICE THINGS

Just because something bad happens to you doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. You don’t need to punish yourself for the rest of your days over something, because in life you’ve got to learn about forgiveness. Forgive yourself for every single thing that’s made you feel like a failure; it’s a learning curve more than anything else. It’s brave to forgive, not cowardly. Selflove is important, because small things go a long way. I’ve had to learn to make peace with my past; it gets dragged around with you if you don’t say goodbye.

12. You’re still a girl with short hair

Growing up in a Disney Princess mad age can mean your perceptions of what makes you a woman can become tangled in what’s being presented to you. Long hair doesn’t make you better than girls with short hair; it just means you can have longer dino braids. I’ve recommended this piece once and I’m going to again, because Katie just GETS IT http://www.scarphelia.com/2015/09/a-little-bit-more-than-just-new-do.html. Find empowerment in short hair and fuck Disney for telling you princesses have got to have flowing locks. Have you SEEN when Mulan cuts her hair off? Badass as fuck.

13. RELATIONSHIPS ARE ABOUT COMMITMENT

Commitment is something so many talk about fearing; I reckon it’s all about finding the right person and deciding ‘yeah you’re a good egg, I’ll keep you’. Relationships aren’t just for the romantics; the relationships you have with your friend and family need constant work to keep them strong. It’s amazing how one small text message can perk someone’s day up, so don’t overlook it. It sounds so bloody simple, but it’s the action which is important. Plus it’s nice to be nice isn’t it? Just remember people have their lives going on too, it doesn’t just start and stop when you talk. Make sure you both have an understanding and life will go swimmingly.

14. Sleep is important

There is nothing fun about living on energy juice or coffee, even if you get a bit of glee managing to live on tiny amounts of sleep. I know this all too well being a student and I’m envious of high school Lou for getting as much sleep as she did, with as little stress as she had. Exams but barely any coursework? *shrieks* FREE PERIODS? I’ll take them back. One of my favourite writers Beth Norton posted this the other day and I’m taking her advice to herself, for myself. http://bethnorton.co.uk/keep-going-forward/

15. GIRL ON GIRL HATE IS GROSS

Girl hate. It never seems to end does it? Be it the bitchy tweets on Twitter or the Facebook posts of “I’d just like to say…’, girl hate seems to be everywhere. I forget the world isn’t my carefully cultivated Twitter following, where girls are celebrated frequently and happily. I love how many strong women I follow, who are proudly supporting each other. But girl hate can be internalised if you don’t notice it. Are you hating on the girl on the street? I sometimes do, so does that make me a bad feminist? Read this for the reveal http://predicaments-of-a-fashion-lover.blogspot.co.uk/2016/01/am-i-bad-feminist.html.

16. Be patient with yourself (and other people)

It can feel like a race to get everything done, because everyone else on social media seems to have the Best Life Ever all the time. Suffering from FOMO? Probably likely, but there’s no point trying to be like the girl on your phone screen or work towards getting the things you you DON’T want, Instagram just makes you think you do. Like detox teas or those shoes which always manage to make their rounds every once in a while. You know the shoes, because everyone and their mother has them. I liked this piece by Gemma Styles all about that Fear of Fomo http://www.thedebrief.co.uk/news/opinion/gemma-styles-nothing-makes-my-instagram-fomo-worse-than-summer-20150645068.

17. TATTOOS ARE COOL DON’T LISTEN TO YOUR MOTHER

My mother hates tattoos, I adore them. Can you see the clash already? It’s quietly there, the elephant in the room but I won’t ever stop liking tattoos. Sorry, loving tattoos. Just make sure you get them done well, because a crappy tattoo is with you for life. I screamed at the standing price of most tattoo parlours, but it’s with you for like, so it’s better to invest innit? (Please little brother read this and don’t get someone to tattoo you in a garage).

18. There won’t be a day everything is just stops

I admit it. I thought, as dumb as I am (though I prefer naïve), one day everything would just settle down and be it. Nothing dramatic, nothing mad or important. There would just be this moment everything would stop and I would be left to simply be. Life isn’t like that, oh man oh man life isn’t like that. I will never have a moment at 45 and think ‘okay life is down and dusted, everything is as it should be’. Life is constantly reinventing you, even if you don’t clue yourself in. So I guess I’m making peace with the fact working, simply being, is something that’s never going to judder down to a slow stop like the old trains do, or your grandparents car. It just keeps on going. Duh Lou.

19. EVEN LEO GETS HIS TIME TO SHINE SO KEEP WORKING

Do I even need to explain this one? It’s probably the best moment 2016 will see. If you treat your passions and work like Leo treats his you’ll get the recognition you deserve one day. Hey you might even have most of the Internet behind you when it happens? Self belief is important http://predicaments-of-a-fashion-lover.blogspot.co.uk/2015/04/self-belief-and-why-its-important.html

[Edit] As I wrote this, not sat at my laptop Monday morning, but in my head as I walked to the train station in the warm sun, I was struck by one terrifying thought. My whole life is in my hands.

It’s true, of course it’s true and I want to bellow it from the rooftops. Your 20’s are your ‘selfish years’ - the years you do the stuff you want without thinking about the concequences. They are the years you form into a Proper Adult. My 20’s might be my ‘selfish years’ but I’ve got 20 years behind me already, grown and moulded to be the person I am right this second. I think I started those

selfish years the morning I turned 18, I just never cottoned on to it. I was finishing high school and my life, both future and past, were sitting in the palm of my hands quivering with anticipation, wondering “what will she do next?”

10 years have amounted to having my heart broken, breaking the boundaries in my head of ‘things I can’ and ‘things I can’t, relearning my perception of the world time and time again, especially since moving away from my seaside home town. It’s been two years since I’ve left school and it’s flown by. To think 10 years ago I was dancing around claiming to be an adult by 10, when I’m 20 with no clue what ‘adult’ means to me. 20 felt like something that wouldn’t happen to me, in the naïve way Joey Tribbiani thinks he’ll never turn 30.

I test the word twenty in my mouth, trying to get a feel for it, tossing it like a piece of chewing gum as I think. 20. It sounds weird, not wrong, just weird. 20. It sounds right, It sounds like a lot of fun. It sounds like I’m settling down into the person I’m meant to be.

If you’ve read this far, God I love you a lot. Thank you. I feel like I have so much to more to say, but it’s too much and not enough at the same time. I’m in mourning of the age I’ve loved the most, the decade that’s past me so bloody quick.