Predicaments of a Fashion Lover: The Art Of Being Effortless

Effort. It’s a word we see everyday, dressed up to look a little bit different like do more or make it count, but the heart of it stands. Make effort, everyday.

The past few years we’ve watched together the message of effort be repeatedly said, dedicating how someone acts. Hyping us up to do a piece of work the same one would for a marathon. Getting ‘in the zone’ to concentrate, making the effort with something. The important of fitness has grown as Nike tells us ‘just do it’. Now it appears the whole of the Internet is torn between the contrasting messages of ‘do the THING GO ON’ and ‘I must do nothing, I am trash, Netflix and Chill’. So we feel we must do one or the other, as these messages influence our daily lives. But with this ‘effort’ I’ve started to see something else.

Lack of effort. The art of effortless occasions has become obsolete. The idea of catching a few drinks after work, the conversation which is fully participated in, watching a movie or hanging out without flicking through a phone. It’s all just… gone.

The act of being, of making effort has slowly fallen.

And I’m one of these people who has fallen with it.

It’s time I recognised how badly I’m slacking on the relationship department. It’s time to pull myself up, dust myself down and take a stand. It’s time to be reborn.

Have you noticed this new phenomenon? Maybe a text has gone unreplied, or you’re making the first move every time. Plans are made, but then fall through the day before, maybe even a few short hours before. Conversations are stilted over text, you worry and it all becomes a Thing before you have time to talk face to face.

Making a phone call is no longer a welcomed occurrence, we’d rather know when someone calls so we can set aside time for them. We’re dividing our time, allotting certain minutes for friends and it just feels… too much. Too controlled, too fake. When did it get like this? When did emojis take over as our way to express emotion?

Making time is hard, but not making the time is harder.

I put my hand up and say I’ve slacked with my relationships and friendships. I’ve become so busy I have neglected them, and with that I say Enough Is Enough. A friendship needs work, like all relationships do. If it’s worth it, like you believe it to be, you make do with the work. Liking Instagrams are great, but they don’t feel the same as a hug.

I keep telling myself, it shouldn’t be difficult.

But sometimes it is. Sometimes you mess up and don’t see your behaviour until months later. Sometimes you forget to text back, but forgetting that third text back is like hammering a giant ‘I DON’T CARE’ into your friendships coffin. Death by lack of effort, lack of care.

Everything feels easier in summer. It feels more laid back. You feel more at ease, more comfortable. You feel like anything can happen, like yes you make a coffee date with them and yes you won’t fall behind with work. It will balance. You’ll be balanced, instead of feeling both overwhelmed and lonely. You will have your friends, have love, have so many things coming together you’ll forget why you thought about your life being a part.

You need to remind the ones you love that you love them. Stop dismissing it as clichéd, because you’re making their day better by sending a text. Suggest catching a drink and buy the first round. Talk. Laugh. And wonder why you waited so long to reach out.

We can all feel lonely at times, we can feel frightened to reach out, but there should be no fear between friends. You should feel comfortable, because they love you the way your mother won’t. And that’s good. Because there is a lot of different love in the world, but that doesn’t mean one love is less than the other.

I don’t want I feel like I’m frustrating you. I don’t want to feel pathetic after we speak. That isn’t what friends are for. That isn’t what friends are for.

I feel like I’m second guessing myself a lot this time, and I don’t like it. I wrote about self love and being enough, because I am I am but sometimes I step outside and I feel alone. I can love myself so much I don’t need a partner, and I don’t. I haven’t felt drawn to need someone in a long time, that scares me but I need my friends. No bullshit, no half hearted attempts. If we’re friends, then we should work together to make sure we feel okay. There shouldn’t be bitchy comments or feeling inferior.

The world is so big and so beyond touch, but your phone is in reach so why not make that call? Why give up on something simple, because you’ve decided before not to make the time, to choose your laptop or social media like you have before?

The lack of effort is frightening. We are so wrapped up in our lives we can forget the people in it, who make us who we are. Friends and family are the most defining parts of our lives. Consistent effort is needed, because you and I, we get lonely sometimes. We long for people who could be miles away, or people we haven’t seen physically in months.

So make the effort. Make the phone call, talk and talk until you suddenly realise it’s been over two hours. Feel good, feel lighter after speaking to them. Wonder why it took you so long. Make plans to call every other week.

Here’s the more effort, because yes you should do that thing you want to do but you shouldn’t leave people behind. The key to being effortless? That’s having people you can talk too, because they make everything easier. Effortless.