We're racing up from the Tube, glancing into the road for oncoming taxis, before hurtling ourselves to the next pavement. I'm stumbling in my gold heels, giggling at passersby expressions before, suddenly and quietly, stopping short. I look over to my friend Anna, who's smiling but looking like she wants to bite her nails. She's checking the time and worrying. She looks back.
"It's just hit me", I admit. "We're going to be in a room with women I admire from a-far on the Internet. Proper girl bosses." Fuck.
She
grabs my hand and squeezes it tightly. We've got this.
The room was busy,
incredibly busy and there was a deafening chat going on. You know when you're
in a nightclub and your friend has to kind-of-but-not-majorly shout to you, so
you can hear them? The #CTRLALTDELETE book launch was a club in a way; a band,
a gathering, a group of kick-ass humans who came together with love to
celebrate a writer who gave nothing, but love to us all. I gazed around, rising
up to my tip-toes in order to grasp the vastness of the room, how many
humans there were with a glass of something in their hand and a smile on their
face, chatting, chatting, chatting. There I was in a room, sharing space
with women who's words crafted through their keyboards. Women who had
helped shape me, even in a little way. Be it introduce me through social media
to other writers, writers they admired from far-away, or writers who had
grabbed the digital age with both hands and taken a piece for themselves, to
being proud of their work ethic, unashamedly been human in front of the
eyes (and feeds) of many. People who had jobs and careers and people who liked
them, even if it was for the way they wore clothes or said something in a blog
post or article. And then there was me, standing in this room, trying hard to
just take it all it and make the most of it. The most of this moment of
pure happiness.
I could go on about
these women I adored, but really all I can think about when I remember this
evening, is how much hope it gave me and how much love surrounded me. This love
wasn't directed at me, it was for Emma. Emma who had written the book. Emma who
had taken the chance. Emma who had humans around her that loved her, in some
shape or form, who came into this room to celebrate the fact she did it. Emma
was the author.
In bleak times, it can feel
as though you are shouting into a void, with no clue or indication if anyone is
hearing you and accepting the words you're saying. With the Internet, this
void grows bigger and you can feel as though your voice gets smaller, even if
only by an decibel. But in this room, although my voice is still small and I'm
in no ways basking in the success so many were, I stood on the side and thought
"I can do this too. I can make something of myself, for myself, with no
rhyme or reason to hold me back."
We all needs somebodies not
only to lean on, but to evoke a burning passion in us, to move and create and
cultivate a life we can be proud of. A life we feel comfortable, supported and
loved in. For a millennial and as part of Generation Z, life is far more
tricky and far more deep than it was in our parents time. With the Internet and
social media, people are connecting far quicker than before. Careers are
being carved, businesses made - the middle man no longer something as an artist,
a writer, or even a business man is needed for success. What is needed is
gritted teeth and determination. It all sounds so simple, a process not unlike
the flow of water from hillside to seaside, yet there's still things that hold
us back. The pressure of others. The self conscious way we consider
ourselves to be perceived. So the simple becomes entangled in what we
think 'reality' is.
I stood in this room,
tugging my white top down every now and then, listening to the speeches.
Hearing the reactions and cheering with the rest. As the first time going
somewhere as both an Internet human and a blogger, it felt
bloody amazing. Just to stand there and watch someone's dreams become a
reality, to see the product of what going out there and just doing The Thing
made. Emma is that human, the complete girl
boss who showed me that night the power of doing what you want, to have drive
and passion. If you haven't checked her blog out, do so here.
We
can all do The Thing we dream of doing. Nothing holds you back, as long as you
do like Rihanna and work work work work work.
Thank you for
inviting me Emma. This was magical.
Lou
XX
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